A weight on my heart

Something – or someone – must have died last night. 
I woke at 3: 33 (the time when my brother was born – by the way, he signed the contract and will move in with his girlfriend next month. News from my mother yesterday…well, as she has no clue what’s going on in my brother I forgive her that she hissed at me ”My dear darling [urghh], if you ever write to him such lies again while his girlfriend sits next to him”).
As usual when I wake these days in the middle of the night I have a hard time to get back to sleep. However, last night seemed different. I felt such heavy burden on my heart and could not tell for a lifetime what it is. Once I sighed deeply, felt it even stronger. A sigh not of relief but of being conscious of my burden.
After I fell back into dreams, I took myself to a place where I have often been. The outside of a city…separated from the forest by a river…and several bridges. This time I was not alone. This time someone hugged me while I stared at the bridges, having visions (even in my dreams, gosh!) of how people crossed it…how a young girl hanged herself from one of the bridges between the railway bridge and the footbridge. Only from the outside I saw myself breaking down, crying… I saw her hanging…weak as an omen.
As I said I have been there before in my dreams, alone and without visions yet always with a feeling of unease I have walked from further down…mostly the harbour (my favourite place there…I have been once in one of the houses, kinda mid-hill)…up along the forest…looking for a way to cross until I got to the footbridge.

I could paint that town so easily…maybe it is time to make a map of my dreams: after my chase-the-grumpiness-away-morning-tea.

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