He was not your father and never will be. He was only someone, the first one, who has betrayed me terribly.
The pain is immense and only seeing your face in my visions can soothe it a little.
It is the middle of the night.
The world has left me alone for the last weeks.
Loneliness and the betrayal weigh heavy on my heart.
Secretly I hope you do not have to go through the same one day in your life, yet it dawns on me that everyone has to make his own experiences. With or without warning we shall walk our way.
I shall try to give you my best pieces of advice, still there are moments, I know already, you won’t listen – not because you’re a stubborn Capricorn like your mummy – but because we discard often what may not immediately seem the right thing to do and someone ”inside” has got a different (may I say biased) perspective than the others. It is natural and takes us often directly into the danger zone.
Do me a favour and always tell me straight what you think or feel, without deliberating about my reaction but choosing the right words.
Call me day and night whenever your heart is heavy, for whatever little reason.
And most importantly: Always remember, my dearest son, I love you. You are in my heart, in my soul and at some point in future, literally, in me.
It certainly does not matter now who your father is. Also when you’re born it’ll be only the two of us. However, I want you to remember him, for whatever reason he won’t be with us. He shall be just an equal part of you.A part you need to discover within you.
A life time’s search for us lies ahead.