Extract of Diary

Why do you think the steps of the footbridge at Canterbury West Station are 58 on Platform 1 and 44 on Platform 2?

Curiosity covers a lot.

I got a call…and I got the job. Start date: second week of July.

The closer I get to my former past the more I ”see”. Visions are strong but not tight.

How much can you speculate about the life of others? Man is a speculative creature.

I wanted words but never said I dont want them to be real. What happens when words can never be real? Some words can’t realize. They all have their meaning but does meaning mean being real, touchable, playable?

Having a clear, full picture of the past would be much helpful.

Here I feel protected, warm (in the sun) and in the womb of a past life.

Totnes being so far off from ”civilization” (London) – only three hours – it kept its bewildered charm in the gardens, the ride-suffering river and the differences of each building.
This morning was rainy, all over. It took me a while not to give in this mood. As I wanted to leave the hotel owner and a guest kept me in a one-hour conversation. It was long enough to forget about any kind of down feeling.
The sun returned.
Contemplating over the ”life advices” I’ve got from the hotel guys. They reminded me again of how important creativity is and it should develop freely. And for a job you have to compromise: do what you are good at even though it’s not going to be your eternal favourite.

In the mean time of thoughts I ruined my favourite trouser and my bracelet which got almost broken when I tried to climb a tree (I did let it straighten today)

Anyway, I do understand why artists like Totnes to settle – and not only for the organic food places.

The executioner’s bell rings by the coast
Tide sets in
wind blows in the other way

Isn’t it heartbreaking when you found the place you want to settle at & a wave of destiny
brushes you off to another ocean?
You cope with it, you breathe the air you don’t want to feel in your capillaries; you look at people whom you pretend you have forgotten already and left behind.
Nothing can mend your heart then, though living like this disgusts you, doesn’t it?

When I need you most I remember a phrase from my grandmother last time I talked to her:”And Jessy, don’t forget, a man needs his freedom.”

I realize love seems to have quite a strict order. From my first love I separated sharply and then fell in love again, without a sharp cut from the second love, I tried the third and fourth, I cannot jump over the second step.
This hierarchy doesn’t let me love anyone else anymore.

”Could this be out of line,
you are the only one”
(Acceptance – So contagious)

England’s cows, sheep and horses are a lot more colourful than anywhere else.

Ever seen a washing machine in a front yard: yep.

”Piep, piep kleiner Satellit
sag ihm dass es mich noch gibt
piep, piep kleiner Satellit
frag ihn ob er mich noch liebt”
(Bluemchen – Satellit)


It felt like waking up from a beautiful dream back into the cruel reality of a student’s dorm, a windy rainy Canterbury. I feel so disgusted by this place now. Not only because there is not so much nature around, and I live next to the main street, it is basically that I live with so many young people around. I see their ignorance and how they throw bottles around instead of into the bin a meter away. This terrible behaviour I could not see in Totnes, there people do live in balance with nature…seen by the world as ”alternative” although it should be the norm.

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