I enjoyed my last days without problems, without heavy thoughts.
My parents have gone off to Italy today, together with my brother and his girlfriend (I was shocked when I saw her on a picture my father sent me, she looks very different to when I saw her last time). A few seconds on the phone with my father was enough to trigger images of backyards of our favourite Italian campsite and the pastel colours of an Italian sunset. Only my father’s voice saying ”I love you” before he hung up got me out of memories, I do not know if he caught my quick ”Me too”.
What counts is that I said it.
He says it now all the time when we talk on the phone.
My mother never does.
I guess she tries to say it with a 3kg chocolate parcel every 6 months.
For the first time after four months there is some lightness in my action.
Still paranoid about my periods, I read back in my diary (the last one started 18th July, the one before 18th June…..what does that say anyway about the future!?)
Butterflies begin to come out of their cocoon and let me take the hand of a knight. The fear is still there yet slowly I begin to feel for trust.