He is busy lately and my hormones tell me I should be with him more often than five hours per day. With fear I realized it is an obsession…he became an obsession. I would have probably stalked him if my brain did not stop me.I am scared that he may stay away from me because of my obsession…he shouldnt be suffocated by me.
I broke with my past and this morning at work I thought about how to finalise this break…how to break with my parents. Should I write them a letter? Should I better call…and if I do so, will I shout or cry? I thought about words, phrases…full of anger, disappointment and lost hope.
Is it time already? Though I only rely on them financially…that’s why I wanted to wait with it…but it is like using them.
Well, now I will live my life normally…I decided I will write the letter that I quit the contract for my room only next month…because in case I do not go to Britain then I definitely have to stay here until end of September.
Yesterday I wrote a new poem…after ages…still I was crying inside. weird.
This isnt the one but I felt like showing one here too.

There are the veins of mine that lay next to your body,
Slowly exerted energy bleeds out,
It is not me who greets you at work
Apathetically a smile on the dark face shimmers
It is me who gives you a shy caressIn the library,
the envious gazes I flout
It cannot be me disquiet your regarded bulwark
Built upon dispassion amissT
here are my eyes watching you
Moves, gestures burn into the mind.

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